Showing posts with label Food: Choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Food: Choices. Show all posts

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Getting hit by a truck!

I woke up this morning- okay. Let me rephrase that. I tried to wake up this morning, but felt as though I'd been hit by a truck. It caused me to be an hour late to work, which would have been fine (I mean, not really) except that I was the only one coming into the office before noon. In affect, my office couldn't open on time because I couldn't get there on time.

It wasn't until nearly noon when I realized I hadn't had any coffee, and remedied that immediately.

For breakfast I had a bowl of kashi go lean crunch (the only cereal I had left!) and some soy milk with a banana. Lunch consisted of Spicy Black Bean Poop Soup (cause it looks like poop!) with some triscuits. I snacked on a chocolate chip larabar about an hour ago.

And now, time for shopping! I'm running out of food in my house, and being able to prepare proper meals makes sticking to my guns a lot easier. Today's shopping list includes:
  • Fruit
  • Spinach
  • Carrots
  • Onions
  • Potatoes
  • Sweet Potatoes
  • Cereal
  • Whole Wheat Flour
  • Bananas
  • Panko Bread Crumbs
  • Olive Oil
  • Soy Milk
  • Raw Cashews
  • Vegetable Broth
  • Tofu
I think for my weekend meals I'm going to test drive this really awesome vegetable tofu pot pie recipe I found. If it turns out as awesome as it looks, I'll be making it for next weeks lunches and/or dinners as well. Things like this tend to refrigerate well, so I'm hoping it'll cut down on my need for stopping by the store every night and picking up a $4 avocado (because they're huge, but also because its just a really expensive grocery store!)

Also, my cats are out of food.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Has it been a week yet?

At some point in the near past, I announce my switch to veganism for a month. I feel like its been forever since that announcement, but I believe it has actually only been one week.

So far, its been pretty awesome. I've had some issues stabilizing my bloodsugar (I go from 'hungry' to 'dying of hunger' pretty quickly) but its also been really nice to be spending so much time back in my kitchen. I love cooking. I love eating. Its a win/win for me... until it becomes unhealthy that is.

I've done some amazing things this week; I ate tofu for the first time (since the last time!) and actually liked it! I've made my own almond milk. Several recipes I've tried have turned out fantastic*. Kale chips are my new go-to snack.

Unfortunately I've been so excited to eat my food, I haven't photographed any of it. The one meal I did manage ( quinoa pasta with nooch tomato sauce) was just a useless cellphone picture.

I'll try to be better in the future.

Today I made an executive decision: instead of changing my work schedule for a day to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two - the Midnight Showing, I'd decided to keep my schedule the same so I can work out in the morning. The movie will still be there this weekend.

If you're interested in incorporating some vegan meals into your diet, I highly recommend the beautiful food porn website, www.findingvegan.com.  Seriously, awesome stuff.





*I was going to upload a picture of some amazing chocolate pancakes I made with homemade strawberry syrup (that was maybe 300 calories all together- omg, so amazing!) but alas, the picture will not upload. Perhaps another day.



Thursday, July 7, 2011

Vegan Month day 3

Every single morning I wake up and crave food, I instantly start chanting internally "I'm vegan now, I'm vegan now, vegan vegan vegan. No dairy, no eggs, no meat, no *gulp* cheese. No animal by products. Must be aware. Be aware. I'm vegan now, I'm vegan now." 

Not going to lie, its kind of been a struggle. I keep asking myself, "Okay, I can't eat that, what do I eat?" And come up with blanks.

Luckily there is this amazing website called finding-vegan.com which is like a RSS feed of vegan recipes online, in picture form. It is simply the most amazing website I've stumbled upon (quite literally- I love stumbleupon.com!) since icanhazcheezburger.com.

Iz ok..  we're Veeganz.

Lunch is Thai Kitchen: Thai Peanut Rice Noodles and sauce. I hope it tides me over til tonight. I'm making cornfritters for dinner/tomorrows breakfast.

I usually buy coffee and a pastry on fridays as my "reward" for making it through the week, and for making it to work so early (its the only day I work 9-5). Until I become more comfortable in my veganism, all bets are off, so no more coffee shop stops for me.

Tomorrow night I'm going to figure out what to do with my tempeh for dinner.           

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Struggling with Mindful Eating

When I started this blog, I had no real weight loss goals; I still don't. The idea was to eat mindfully, and just be aware of what was actually being consumed.

Through the progression of my blog, I've calmed down on taking pictures, and documenting everything. I've started and stopped counting calories numerous times. I've stopped really mindfully eating.

What I mean is, when I first started, I would sit around, wait until I got hungry, and then eat. I would make sure the screen was off, the picture was taken, and I checked in to see just how hungry I was. Half way through my meal I checked in again.

I don't really do that anymore.

It was effective: I slowed my roll on binging almost immediately. Sometimes it was really difficult to figure out why I was trying to find something to eat when I could clearly tell I wasn't hungry. But the biggest thing that happened was, I would allow myself to become so hungry I thought I would pass out before I was able to remedy it.

Then slowly the screens stayed on while I was eating. The checking in didn't happen because my general eating habit stayed "relatively the same", it was routine to eat the same 4 items every day. It became mindless again.

So, where am I at now?

Eating Mindfully helped get me back on track, and in touch with myself. Its been a great tool to help put me back on even footing when it comes to eating. However, if I were being honest with myself and my blog, I have a number in the back of my head that I want to get to, and maybe one or two lower than that. If I were being honest, I don't believe eating mindfully is going to get me there; at least not on its own.

If I don't want to count points or calories or making silly rules about when and where I can eat certain food groups (because, lets be honest: I tried that too and have failed miserably at it) then what am I left with? How do I get to where I want to go?

To be honest, I don't really want to change. Or I do, but not from what I've said I'm going to do, but actually be consistent in doing what I've said I'm going to do. I need constant urging "this is why you do what you do".twit

The punishment for reverting to old ways is staying fat and getting fatter. Plain and simple.


I want to move forward and try something new. Some new, and short term, just to prove I can. (can you see where I'm going with this?) Based on the way I feel physically when I don't drink milk, or consume dairy products, I've decided starting on July 5th, to eat the vegan way for at least one month.

Yesterday, (the 5th) I had watermelon and black bean tacos with avocado salsa, and then a bowl of special k red berries and chocolate soy milk.  For this month, I'm going to try to get back into photographing food, and blogging it.

Today I've had a left over taco and kale chips. It'll be interesting to see how my body adjusts. Wish me luck!



Friday, June 24, 2011

The Good Days and The Bad Days

Food wise, this has been a very good week. While I didn't "count" calories, I know I stayed pretty well within my guidelines I've created for myself. I've also had a great week of exercise. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I killed it at the gym, Thursday I made sure to get an endorphin release after walking three miles and climbing 400 stairs didn't do the trick. Tonight is Zumba at the bar.

Today has been absolutely gorgeous. I met one of my friends for lunch at Uncle Joe's Pizzeria where I had a very saucy piece of pepperoni and a side salad. Afterward we went to get some ice cream. I got a waffle cone double scoop. For breakfast I had a delicious raspberry mocha and cheese coffee cake.

Ultimately, I know I should have made wiser decisions regarding today's food intake, and I know I say this all the time. What I'm hoping for eventually is that the wiser decisions I make will become more prevalent in the very soon future.

So does that make today a bad day? Only compared to some, I guess. 

Monday, June 6, 2011

Breakfast 6/6

Delicious blackberry scone and skinny cherry mocha. Munched on some left over pasta this morning before work.
The twilight 12k recap is coming, I promises. It was just a really busy (ie: lazy) weekend. Spoiler: I finished, and still not last.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Breakfast

The last bit of my blueberry scone and skinny cherry mocha.
This is a lot harder than I remember it being. I also snuck a brownie in before work, that Sauraman made last night.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Point Worzonof Walk 2011

Friday after work, I got my butt in gear and started to pack for my outing. I wasn't really sure how long it would take since I was going for distance, not speed and made sure to pack a clif bar and some granola. Before catching the bus home I bought a very large bottle of water. I meant to sneak some bottles from work but forgot until I was all the way down the street!

I tried finding a friend or two to go walking with me, but as soon as I said 10 miles they were all, "Um yeah... no."

source
The walk from the starting point on the trail was actually only 3.75 miles each way, but I walk from my house which adds an additional mile, for the final total of about 9.5 miles.

While I was packing but before I left, I realized I had lost my keys somewhere. I remembered taking the off the hook so I could put them in my pocket, but then mysteriously could not find them ANYWHERE. Luckily my roommate was downstairs and I was able to ask her to leave the door unlocked. She didn't really seem comfortable with the idea, her eyebrows rise up in a way that says, "I'll go ahead and agree to this but whether or not it actually happens is a different story." /foreshadowing

Just before 7pm I set off on my journey.



Westchester Lagoon is probably one of my favorite spots in Anchorage. They have a disc golf course, and plenty of room to picnic around in. Plus there is this gorgeous body of water that people boat on during the summer and ice skate on during the winter. Many of the races I go on will go by this at some point.

I was really excited to get my walk on, but there were so many photo ops, I had to stop and take a few.



This is where the trail begins at the Lagoon. In reality it starts about 2 miles earlier than this at the Ship Creek trail head.


The view half way around the Lagoon. I look at these mountains every day. I'm overwhelmed by the prettiness that is just in Anchorage, let alone outside of the city!


Not going to lie: I was kind of getting irritated with myself at this point. But... baby ducks. Gotta stop and look at the baby ducks. They're just so cute!



Finally getting a move on, and just before the mile 1 marker, A view of where I would be walking to. Point Worzonof.


Got a little color in my cheeks, but happy and moving. There were a lot of people on the trail so I wasn't too worried about Moose stepping out of the trees, and had my headphones in. I was rocking out to a playlist of my own design. A Genius playlist, based on Rolling in the Deep by Adele, cause I love her.

Just before reaching Mile 3, there is Earthquake Park. It was really shady and entrenched with mosquitoes, so I paused long enough to get a little stretch in, mow down on some trail mix and then started moving again.


I didn't see a mile marker 4 point, but I figured it could have been too far off from my destination. Just towards the end, the hill going down got very steep and very curvy. I started cursing, knowing I would have to walk back up it, but when I did, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Or possibly I just couldn't feel my legs. Time of arrival: 8:59pm.

I paused and had some more trail mix, drank some more water. I sat in the grass, and just enjoyed the view. The thing I love most about Point Worzonof is that the Airport is right next to it, and quite often the planes will take off and make their final descent right over head. It smells like jet fuel, but I don't care because its awesome.

 Above: Mount Susitna, or as the locals call it, The Sleeping Lady.


Now, I started getting tired. My stamina was rapidly disappearing. I even had to turn on my Awesome Opossum play list to keep me going. I was not pleased.


Before I knew it, I had made it back to the Lagoon. My home was only a hop, skip, jump of a mile away!


Beautiful reflection. There are these broken down boxes that look like at one point they must have been part of a dock. I don't really know what they are. On the other side of those tree's is a hill from hell that I love to ascend. Last year I had to stop several times to get up it. Now I don't at all. It was originally part of my route this walk, but I'm not sure I could have done it would injuring myself at that point. I had nothing left.



I finally reached my home, at 11:01pm. I walked up on the porch and turned my door knob... well, tried to turn my doorknob. It was locked. After discussing with Suraman that the door should be left unlocked, it was not. So I spent the next 20 minutes pounding on the door, yelling her name up at the window (her light was still on), and even enlisted my neighbors to help me get in my apartment. Finally she comes down, wrapped in a towel, hair all wet.

Of course she was in the shower. How can I possibly blame her for wanted the door locked when she's in the shower?

I used the very last of my energy to make a protein smoothie, took it up stairs, cleared my room well enough that I could put my legs up against my wall, and left them there for 22 minutes, or approximately the length of one How I Met Your Mother episode. Specifically, the Lucky Penny Episode where Marshall trains to run the New York City Marathon, only to break his toe the day before the race. Barney runs in his place without having trained, and then later gets stuck on the subway because he can't move his legs. Legendary.


I spent Saturday in a haze of useless brain, spent money on clothes I don't actually need, and can't really afford, missed my friend's BBQ, and was angry the whole day.I ate a lot of carbs, but I didn't eat a lot, so that was good.

Stamina. Its something I need.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Last nights dinner

Last night I walked home from work, just missing the giant rain clouds above, and made an incredible salad. It included mixed greens, grapes, feta, chik patty, cherry tomatoes, kalamata olives, and home made Strawberry Balsamic Vinaigrette, which was just to die for.



I looked up a couple of recipes and then just decided to make my own.

Strawberry Balsamic Vinaigrette
  • 1 cup strawberries, tops removed
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 2 TBS balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tsp honey
  • 1 pinch flaxseeds
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Parsley flakes
  • Basil flakes

I chopped the fresh strawberries, mixed all the ingredients in a blender, and processed until smooth. It turned out creamy and delicious. Makes about 1.5 cups.
  I kind of want to put it on everything.

Todays salad will probably be a replica. I'm pretty excited. And now, off to #fitblog!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

"  If you lose today, win tomorrow. In this never-ending spirit of challenge is the heart of a victor."  -Daisaku Ikeda

 This has been a very very long morning. I didn't eat very well last night. I made spinach lasagna, and became so ravished while waiting for it, I ate 5 string cheese, a small bowl of sauce with cheese, about a cup and a half of ice cream (but out of the container, so it could have been more or less, and then a handful of regular cheese. Then finally, two piece of lasagna, which reaffirmed that I don't like ricotta cheese.

Old picture. Still relevant.
I left the lasagna in the oven over night... and this morning. If it hasn't gone bad yet, it will be by the time I get home, so its probably for the best. The only tasty part about it was the jar of sauce, and cheese on top. The noodles weren't quite done. I was impatient. (It didn't finish until nearly 11. I can't eat that late. Its no bueno.)

On the bright side, I went to the gym yesterday morning and kept a 3.5-4.7 pace for 20 minutes (thats not really keeping a pace, is it?) on the elliptical, hopped on the treadmill and ran 1 minute 5 times at 4.5, and walk an additional 20 minutes at 3.0. I'm definitely ready to be a runner. Every day I wake up and all I want to do is do more.

It looks like I had a calcium attack. Everything I ate last night was dairy related, which is interesting to me. Really, I was looking for the mix of sauce and cheese, and carbs, I think. It'll probably happen again. I'm not gonna beat myself up about it.  I wonder if that morning workout had any affect on my near fatal need for dairy that evening however. I should be better prepared for such events in the future.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

food log 2/9/11

Breakfast
handful of slivered almonds, crasins and  chocolate chips, bagel with cream cheese, protein hot cocoa.

lunch
two open faced quesadillas with an avocado and table spoon of sour cream.(4 tortillas were used)

Dinner
1 medium veggie pesto supreme thin crust pizza, half a 2 liter of diet pepsi.

At least I wasn't snacking.

Other important events that happened: My cousin (who is my best friend) had her baby. 7 lbs 12 oz. A ginger. He was born with a leaky lung, so he was moved into NICU  at a different hospital in six inches of snow, before my cousin had a chance to hold him. (The next day I heard he was doing much better and will be home by the weekend.)


I didn't go to work.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Oops! I did it again....

So some part of me feels like the weekends are my days to shoot the wind, behave as badly as I want and not stay accountable to myself or my blog. I think I ate pretty well on Saturday, but Sunday was a whole other story. I went food shopping, and ate two cups of cashews, two bowls of cereal, Amy's Pesto Tortellini, a GIANT salad from the salad bar, Sobe Green Tea, quarter gallon chocolate soy milk, the rest of those damn circus animal cookies which I never should have bought in the first place, at least 2 cups of hot cocoa, and I'm sure there is something else, but I can't remember any more.

I gained 4 pounds over the weekend. I was at 307.5, Today I'm at 311 (pre-pooping. All those nuts, you see.). I'm burping sulfur this morning. Gross.

I kept myself home this weekend because I got some new kitties and I wanted them to adjust to my house and life and whatnot. It made stretching on the floor pretty interesting, and I decided to put off the Zumba until tomorrow, but I think that was mostly because not moving is a lot easier than moving. I keep thinking getting a gym membership would motivate me more, but then I'm afraid of the additional cost every month, especially if I end up not using it which is my biggest fear. I'm always trying to make myself earn the privledge of a gym membership, but I never do because "something always happens".

I'm just rambling now. I'll stop. Need more coffee.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Accidental Shepard's Pie


 For dinner tonight, I thought I would make Shepard's Pie, vegetarian style. As I started cooking the ingredients, one by one, I added them to the pot, until it was time to make the mashed potatoes. I reached into my cupboard for the instant flakes, just to shake the box and realize it was nearly empty. There wasn't nearly enough to make 1 serving, let alone enough for an entire casserole dish. Lucky for me, the yams/sweet potatoes (I can never tell which is which- these had the dark skin) from thanksgiving that I forgot to make were still good so I threw them in the microwave.

This was really my first time making sweet potatoes for something that didn't involve brown sugar so I was kind of worried how they would turn out. I also don't think I had ever microwaved them before, so that was an experience.  Once I peeled the skins, I mashed in a two tablespoons of butter, a half cup of almond milk, salt pepper, paprika, poultry seasoning, and garlic powder. I've never tasted such a savory potato. So good.

I threw a bit of cheese on top (I had to restrain myself- it was so hard to not pile on three cups worth, but I did it!) and baked it for 30 minutes. I don't know if this is how you're supposed to make it, but its how I'm going to continue making it, that's for sure!

Recipe:
Preheat oven to 375f
1 bag vegetarian meat crumbles
1 cup corn nibbles
1 cup peas
1 cup broccoli
1/2 cup random veggies you think would be awesome. Go ahead, and surprise yourself. Beans, maybe?
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 packet of onion soup mix
1-2 tablespoon french dressing
salt and pepper to taste

3-4 yams/sweet potatoes
2-3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup milk
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika to taste.

Mix the first list, cook thoroughly, adding the cream of mushroom and soup mix towards the end. Feel free to experiment. Mash the potatoes and what not. Spread the filling into a casserole dish, top with potatoes and spread evenly. Top potatoes with cheddar or perhaps a mozzarella blend. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes. Enjoy. Try to keep yourself from having seconds.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Food log 1/31/11

Breakfast

Chonga bagel skinny mocha

Lunch
spinach swiss tomato and kalamata olives on multigrain bread- delish. 20 oz cherry coke.

Dinner
Breakfast cookie banana santa fe rice and beans by eating right.

Monday I was so tired. Two people in my office are sick right now, and I'm kinda worried I'm gonna be next. Monday night I went home, and watched an episode of Heavy. I was actually kind of impressed, I like the flow of the show. I felt so bad watching the show and just sitting there, that I started stretching, which led me into some free style yoga. I even did 20 push ups on my knees.

And then something happened. I found a second, third and fourth wind at 9pm (all at the same time!), and couldn't get myself to settle down until well after 2am. I don't know if this is something I should complain/worry about because well, who doesn't want an extra burst of energy just before the day ends? I guess I wish I just handled it better. I was really confused and didn't know what to do, so I did a little bit of everything but didn't really do much of anything.

Oh well. Tuesday is a new day.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Food Log 1/25/11

Breakfast
Half kashi go lean crunch half special k red berries plus 1 cup almond milk.

Filling and delicious. Don't really care for plain almond milk. I'll keep trying it though. Bought this Silk brand this time.

Lunch
20 oz. Mt. dew 1 serving easy mac


Not particularly pleased, but my cupboards are running out of prepackaged food and I just haven't had time to cook, but I'm hoping to create a menu for next week and see how that goes. Try to control my portions a little better.

Dinner
Two pork purses with sauce, 5 oz. short rib on a bed of curry sauce covered polenta, about 1.5 oz peanut butter pie with oreo crust and chocolate ganashe. 2 16 oz cokes. A handful of cashews.

I don't think I have to tell you how delicious it all was. Because it was. Every bite was mouth watering. I ate every single bite. And while my stomach whined about it later, I figured it was okay because I'll probably never eat dinner there again. (totes expensive)

Now, lunch on the other hand....

Monday, January 24, 2011

Food Log 1/24/11

Breakfast

Skinny raspberry mocha and an herb and cheese bagel with cream cheese

Lunch
2 pieces of pizza

Dinner
1 slice of pizza; 1/2 cup cashews, 12 oz diet pepsi, fiber plus bar, 16 oz. hot cocoa.

Exercise
1 mile of walking

Last night was such a struggle for me to not eat. I spent nearly 10 minutes rummaging my cupboards before forcefully reminding myself that I wasn't hungry, just bored, it was late and I needed to go to bed. I dragged my sorry self upstairs, and eventually tuckered out of the night. It was a terrible struggle however.

When Change Rains, it Pours

On Wednesday last week, I tweeted about not having any real defined goals. So, over this weekend, I decided to define them. But first, a weekend recap.

Friday I was supposed to go to a concert a local bar, but I just felt horrible all day, so I stayed home and tried to get some rest. Saturday, my friend who recently came home from Afghanistan via the Army came into town and I took her to see Avenue Q. Avenue Q, for those who don't know, is a wonderfully subversive musical with Jim Henson like puppets, and Gary Coleman as played by a woman. It is fantastic. I was really happy to be able to take her to something that was so hilariously upbeat considering some of the subjects they hit upon. And I worried that being in the middle of the row, and having a full audience might cause her some panic but she handled the whole thing pretty well.

Afterward, we went to Spenard Roadhouse for dinner, which is one of my favorite restaurants in town. Its very eclectic, casual, and trendy. Family oriented, but serves all your favorite alcoholic drinks. I don't eat out often, but when I do, I try to come here. I love it. For dinner I had a veggie sandwich (apparently I am not a fan of fontina cheese- who knew) and split pea and ham soup (cause I'm a flexitarian now and I can eat meat when I eat out). Oh yes, and an order of super tots, which are possibly deadly. Tater tots topped with chives, green onions, cheddar cheese, bacon and sour cream.  We talked about all sorts of things, caught up on everything she'd missed while she was gone. She told me she started running while overseas, and I mentioned to her my goal of running a 5k by the end of the summer. She's being stationed in Hawaii, and so, plans started forming in my head.

Because we had gone to the early show, when dinner was over, it was still kinda early, so we headed off to the movies and watched No Strings Attached. Did I love it? Of course I did. I love Natalie Portman and most romantic comedies. My friend dropped me off afterwards, and I comptemplated cleaning my kitchen. I think I watched How I Met Your Mother and went to bed instead.


It was a great day, but I couldn't help but notice how much of the day I spent sitting. I didn't particularly want to sit, but I couldn't think of anything that sounded remotely fun that didn't involves lots of sitting.

Sunday was my day of rest. Of course by day of rest, I mean it was my day of cleaning and school work, and watching Sarah Marshall twice- once with commentary and once without. For brunch I had easy mac and a fiber plus bar. I wanted to cook something, but my kitchen is half destroyed right now cause I can't seem to wash all my dishes in one go, so I ordered an extra large pizza instead. Why? I don't know. It seemed easier, I guess. I ordered a garlic veggie supreme and mozzarella sticks. (THIS IS HOW PEOPLE STAY FAT, JSYK). I ate half of it before forcing myself to go to bed.

The good news though. After my conversation with my friend, I started looking at races happening in Hawaii around my birthday. The closest one I could find is the Maui Marathon on Sept. 18th this year. I am going. My mother is going. My friend is going. Its going to be great.

Now, if you are actually viewing my blog, you might notice a new widget on the right side of the screen. Its to raise money for the Warmth Walk sponsored by United Way Anchorage on Feburary 19th. I will be walking. Its only a mile, and should go pretty quickly, but I thought it would be a nice way to get excited for Break Up (known in other parts of the country as "Spring") and the Summer to come! So if anyone would like to donate some dollars, your help is much appreciated.

So to recap. Short term and long term goals have been defined:

Short term: Walk for Warmth; getting as physically ready for c25k as possible
Medium term: Womens Walk for Cure (or some such thing in May); start/complete c25k; other races as applicable
Long term: Flying my mother and myself to Maui for the 41st Maui Marathon in Sept (I'm going to walk/run the 1/2).; maintaining flexitarianism, make healthy food choices; see consistent weight loss.

This is going to be a great summer.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Flexitarian

I loved being vegetarian back in 2003. I ate healthy(ier) all the time (most of the time.... lets be honest here.) and felt lighter and cleaner. I think that first month I lost 20 lbs without trying. Of course that stopped pretty quickly, and I wasn't ever able to get it much lower, and eventually it creeped up again. When I moved to Alaska in 2005, I was unprepared for how erratic my emotions and my life would be come, and in the dead of winter I started eating meat, quit my job, and started smoking ciggarettes- all within 72 hours. I always swore once my life was more "settled", I would go back to vegetarianism. I never imagined it would take nearly 6 years to get there.

My old plan for vegetarianism was this: dairy and eggs were GO; meat, gelatin, fish, or pans inwhich meat has been cooked without being cleaned were NO GO. This was held in place by my super power imaginiation. Let me take you on a journey.

It was early December, 2003. We had just celebrated Thanksgiving at my uncles house in Washington, and now I was eagerly awaiting Christmas. My mom had made steak and potatoes for dinner that night. For weeks,( I had been considering the pros and cons of vegetarianism, but I wasn't sure if I could make the leap.) I was watching tv while eating, and as I brought another bite of steak to my lips, suddenly I was transported "tunnel vision style" to a open field of golden wheat. In the middle of the pasture there was a cow, dead and on its side. As you walked closer to the cow, you could see there was a giant hole that took up most of its stomach. In the whole, there were ants and maggots and flies everywhere, crawling in and around the giant open stinking carcass.

Behind me, I hear a rustling. I turn around, and a farmer complete with farmer tanned arms, dirty blue jean overalls, sraggily wiry hair, walks up, and spits his chewing tabacco into the cows stomach. With a pitchfork, he stabs the cow in the open wound with all the spit and bugs and rotten flesh, and pulls out a hunk of steak. That steak is the one that was currently being masticated by me.

I promptly put spit out my meal, and decided in that moment I could never eat meat again. Anytime I was tempted, I thought back to this scene and instantly had no wish to put it anywhere near me or my mouth. It worked for 3 years. True Story.

Back to Now:

So, this time, meat is off the table. I'm not going to worry about chicken broth, or meals cooked next to meat. No milk this time around. Cheese is okay, but regular cow milk is not. It makes me feel icky. Also, if I wanna eat a hamburger once every couple of months, that's okay. If when I go out to a restaurant and I want some chicken, thats okay. Not every time. Shouldn't be the first choice, or the only choice. Its more about listening to what my body needs and right now it needs to be free of most animal products.



Also, I Zumba'd today. 20 minutes. Not a lot, but better than nothing.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Underworld of Night Eating

I wake up at 7:49am, crawl out of bed and into the shower. I try my best to wake up. Then I crawl out of the shower and back into bed until 9am, when I finally decide that I must get dressed, go down stairs and eat breakfast because I'm in for a long day. I have my daily cereal (half Kashi Go Lean Crunch, half Special K: Red Berries, with chocolate soy milk) pack my school bag, and by 9:30 I'm out the door. I go to class, become inundated with new information to be processed, then rush my way to work by noon. At work I sit at my desk and stare mindlessly at my computer, feeling my blood sugar drop lower and lower until I finally recognize the feeling as hunger and grab my lunch. (this weeks lunch: Pork loin roast with potatoes and carrots, with a side of grapes) Some times I eat it in front of my computer. Sometimes I don't. If I'm lucky, I have actual tasks to do, but more often than not, I wait for something that never happens. Finally my work day ends at 8pm and I head home. While sitting on the bus I think, "maybe I'll do some homework. I need to clean my kitchen. I need to do 20 minutes of yoga the minutes I walk through the door." However, as soon as I walk through the door, I rush to my room, take off my work clothes, throw on my pajamas, race back down stairs and check the refrigerator to see what I can eat.

At this very point, I realize I have an opportunity to be good today. To reach for something healthy, or if not healthy, to eat it in a way that is mindful and not mindless. What usually happens is I grab the more unhealthy than healthy option, sit in front of the TV, and forget that I'm breaking one of my cardinal rules: Thou shall not eat in front of  back lit screens. From that moment, is where it all goes to parch. Suddenly, I want something sweet. Right now, my home happens to full of all sorts of sweet things because the last time I went shopping, I went without purpose and didn't get anything I meant to. I know the right thing to do would be throw it all out, to give it away, to do anything but EAT it, but part of this journey is relearning how to be around food. For the first time in my life I don't have to fight anyone for the left overs in the fridge. If I want my cookies to last a day or a month, its up to me to make that happen. And so the junk stays. (Example: I have four individual servings of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in my freezer right now, that have been there since the beginning of August.)

Then a new problem arises when I have my dinner, I'll have the handful of gummy worms, followed by a soda, and I just munch and munch and munch. I don't even know what I'm eating, just that I am. Last night I ate a second dinner because I didn't feel full enough. I was in some sort of manic mode, and I was in such a fog that I couldn't stop to figure out why I felt that way. Midnight hit, and I forced myself to go to bed. (Sleep didn't come for a few more hours, however.)

I've done this every night for two weeks. I'm so tired by the time I get home, I can't lift a finger to do anything except comfort myself.

I want to be the person who finds their second wind upon entering their house, and proceeds to work hard and sweat. I know somewhere deep inside me there is a potential for it. I know I won't be that person until I start acting like that person. I guess I just wish it was easier.


Todays weight: 308
(I must be doing something right...)
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