|Lunch: Overseasoned porkchop, baked mac and cheese, assorted veggies|
I haven't lost weight in NINE years (outside of this summer).
I've been watching The Big C on showtime, in one of the episodes, the main character reflects back on old pictures of her self, wondering how she could have felt so ugly in a body she now wish she had. I get that. I feel that same way. The difference is, (its a tv show) she is now painfully aware that her time is running out, and I am in the prime of my youth (which is also running out. My 25th birthday is in less than a month!).
So how would my life be different if I woke up and had gotten rid of those 100 lbs? I don't know. I don't know. Because 100 lbs ago, I was 16 and had just starved off 30. And I was miserable. I can't tell you how badly I wish I was back there. I think I would have a renewed sense of appreciation of my life, and my body. I hope that I would be more confident in my appearance. I wonder if clothing sizes have changed in such a way that I might actually be able to shop at "regular" stores... something I haven't been able to do since I was 13. Mostly though, I'm afraid I'll look in the mirror and see the same person I do today, and that's not much of an incentive to change.
Today's weight: 310.4