Sunday, May 30, 2010
It was another, "I'm bored out of my mind, I don't know what to do, I guess I'll eat something" kind of day. I made sure of course to check in with myself, make sure I was hungry when I ate, but I kind of feel like now that I'm asking my body if its hungry, it'll just always say yes. At least when I'm bored.
I want to binge constantly. I miss it even. I miss eating everything without thinking. Not tasting. Isn't that weird? I guess the only reason I do miss it, is it helped me not feel so out of touch or lonely. I don't really get along with groups of people, and at dinner tonight, there was 12 of us. I was extremely out of my element. Generally if there's more than 2 or 3 people, I'm instantly uncomfortable and then I have to excuse myself and work out my feelings on my own, which is a frustrating experience in and of its self, because one would think after 24 years of having to interact with people on a personal level, I'd figure out how to interact with multiple people on a personal level. but I haven't and so I suffer.