Thursday, May 20, 2010

My before shots

I didn't think I was going to do this. I took these pictures in the spirit of keeping myself accountable. This is an outfit I wear quite frequently. Basically my pajamas.  You'll notice the hand not holding the camera, is attempting to hold up my pants, despite my pants not falling down. This is a common place for my hand to be found, as keeping my pants up in most other pairs is quite difficult. I don't think it has occurred to be before this point that my pants shouldn't have to be adjusted every time I sit down.

This picture shows my distended stomach. I always rather thought I was pretty good at holding it in. Its time to acknowledge that I suck at it. (Note: I am not holding my stomach in, in this picture. I wish I was.)

I have these mammoth boobs that I'm sure every living being, man or woman would love to drown themselves in, and I'm terrified to see what those might turn into one day. I don't want them to deflate, but god, they're so not worth keeping if it means not waking up and feeling ten years older than I am!

My rules for knowing when I was too fat: 1) cankles. 2) flabby elbows.

I have both now.

I know it seems weird, but I almost hate talking about all of this. I've spent so long internalizing all of my shame and behaviors, that putting out into the open again, with a sense of resolve I haven't felt since I was 16, is pretty scary.  I'm not used to talking about being fat, acknowledging that I am fat, that I have an issue with food, or acknowledging there was ever an issue with anything ever to begin with. I am in no mans land now.


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