Today has been a challenge in managing my food intake. I keep reminding myself that this new "lifestyle" is not about restricting. Its about being aware. Aware of everything that goes in, and everything that goes out. Aware of how I feel about both of those things.
I had bought three pounds of unsalted peanuts in their shells. I have to confess, I'm almost worried about eating them. There is still quite a lot of dirt on the outer shelling, and I'm pretty sure that's where E.coli lives. But they're pretty tasty, and provided the distraction I needed to finish cooking dinner. By that I mean, I let myself get so hungry the hunger pains felt closer to sharp stabs, and I'm pretty sure my blood sugar was dropping <-- Why I constantly snack. My blood sugar feels low, and so I eat, but don't know when to stop.
I burned my toast. Luckily, I was able to scrap off all the blackened bits.
Under the Tuscan Sun (Widescreen Edition) when Frances writes about the grapes even tasting like purple... I think of that every time I eat a grape now. They do taste like purple. If purple had a taste, I mean. I don't try eggplant think it tastes like purple.
Part of this journal is not to feel guilty about what I eat. I have so much guilt associated with food. I just want to enjoy every moment of every day. I know tomorrow, once I go back to the real world, keeping track of every bite, of every thought is going to be difficult. I don't want to explain myself to everyone I come across. But I also know that to be successful in losing weight, changes are going to have to be made. Right now, that involves keeping track of everything I eat, and encouraging as much excercise as possible.
I have made a commitment to do the couch to 5k. I have not started it yet. I do not know why. It is late outside now, and I know that I will not take a walk tonight. I hope I can work up the courage to take my first steps tomorrow, because I know exercise will increase my self esteem.
So far, I've written more today than I have in years. I have faith today because 4 outta 5 ain't bad.