Monday, June 13, 2011

Sweet Dreams are Made of These

Last night sucked. All I dreamed about was my friend who recently died by suicide. Trying to schedule an appointment with her adopted mother. Sitting in a living room with her adopted sister. Having that conversation, the one where the details come out about how it happened. Trying to talk to her brother and save him from himself. Trying so hard to believe she was at peace, but really feeling like she still in turmoil, upset at the balloons released in the atmosphere killing the whales in her honor. Knowing being re-stationed in a town that was unfamiliar, no matter how beautiful it might have been must have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Going home (in my dream) collapsing and crying so hard I woke up with tears running down my face. Falling back asleep and experincing it all over again. And again. And again.



1 comments:

Miss April said... [Reply to comment]

Was your friend ever actually in the dream or all the events surrounding / thoughts? Ask HER to come see you in a dream and ask her a couple questions, ask if she is okay.

My soul mate was killed last year by a train. It is unknown to this day whether or not it was a suicide or a drunken accident, he was sitting on the tracks. I had similar nightmares for weeks. I finally put his picture by my bed and would talk to him before I went to sleep, FINALLY he actually came to my dream. I said, are you okay? He said yes. I said, were you scared that night? He said yeah.

That was it, it still didn't answer and probably because he isn't able to yet - the suicide vs. accident question... BUT I've been so much more peaceful about it since that. I've been able to have pleasant dreams about him and our time together once I begged him to come to me because there were things I needed him to answer. You won't get your full 'why' answer, that may never come - but it will open the door for some peace for you.

Please let me know if I can help. It's a horrible thing. I am approaching the one year anniversary of the train accident - June 21. It's been a rough road, and I wouldn't have been able to go it alone.

Take care.

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