Every Day is a New Day

An Explanation of Sorts:

It is very tedious trying to take pictures of everything I eat. I allowed myself to get lazy about it because I'm upset. There is way more here than pictured that I ate, only I don't actually remember what they were.

Every day is a new day. This morning, I woke up early. I was refreshed. I hopped right out of bed and went for a mile walk. there are these stairs that I walk down every day. I never walk up them, only down them. Well, today I walked up them. There are three platforms till the bottom in this picture. Every section has approximate 22 stairs. There are four more platforms that are not in this picture that have approximately 14 stairs. I walked up every single one. And then I turned around and walked down them again. It was amazing to feel new muscles being used, and stretched and pushed. The good sore feeling pushed me all the way home where I had breakfast of string cheese and a fat free yogurt. it has been a very good morning, indeed. I'm ready and happy to go to work today.

Why the sudden change in mood? (You guys don't really know this, but I've been in a state of panic for about a week now.) Because last night I was reminded that I can't keep doing what I'm doing. For the first time in a long time, I was losing weight. I was feeling proud of myself. I stopped caring how the world viewed me for seconds at a time. I looked in the mirror and wasn't confused by what I saw. And I let it go. I allowed myself to let it go. "Give yourself a break," I thought. "You're grieving," says my subconscious. "You can't be expected to do everything all the time."

Last night after having this amazing philly cheese and garlic salted fries for lunch at 4:30, I ate dinner at 10pm. It was delicious lemon chicken fettuccine Alfredo. It was the first purposeful meal I sat down to and didn't snap a picture of.

I won't lie. I've been doing a lot of snacking that has not been photographed. I'm letting myself get away with it, and I know its wrong. The photographs are there to keep me accountable, and they've worked. But I'm only accountable to myself.

I thought to myself last night while I was eating a dinner I wasn't particularly hungry for if i don't fix this right now, who will? When will it happen? If not me, then who? If not now, then when?

Waking up this morning was like rising out of the fog. I know what I have to do. Today I'm ready to do it.