Monday, May 24, 2010

Mondays Are Always the Hardest

Today for breakfast I had peach yogurt with granola, and two cups of coffee with Splenda. I was never so sad to go without my Monday Mocha, and pastry. Crawling out of bed this morning seemed to be almost impossible. I think I've realized the reason I'm sleeping so well and so much, is because I'm finally exercising again. Its a remarkable feeling. And that's happened so fast!

Once I got to work, I started knocking one item off at a time. Firs the granola and yogurt. Then the soup, and half of the cheese its. I gave the other half away to one of my clients who was rather angry we didn't have any food stocked at the moment.

Around 3:30 I had the Oreo Cakesters, and drank some more water. I went on three walks around the block. Quick and easy. One short incline, so just enough to work in some heavy breathing, before your up and around the curve, flat smooth sailing from there. Each lap I estimated was .38 miles. I wore flip flops to work today, and then walked home. I am now developing some pretty awesome calluses.

I was exhausted by the time I got home, and was ready for a nap. I just layed in bed and listened to the birds chirp, the cats meow, and the children play outside. The sun was shinning in my room, and it was just nice and peaceful.

My roommate and I are pretty close with our neighbor. We often cook meals together, and borrow each others food/plates/cups/etc with or without permission. This evening, she made spaghetti. It was a meat sauce with corn and string beans. It was quite delicious. After a few bites, I emptied a pack of grated Parmesan cheese to enhance the flavor a bit. I do love me some cheese.

I probably could have gone with out the garlic bread, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. More importantly, I did stop and think through my reasoning behind wanting it. It isn't enough to know that its delicious and garlic bread goes hand in hand with spaghetti, and is therefore somehow expected. No, it was important for me to know that I wanted it because I was truly hungry.

I really was hungry. It doesn't take much for me to feel hungry. Today though, I could have eaten the minute I walked in the door, and not stop until later in the evening when it was time for me to start getting ready for bed.  Instead, I layed in my bed, let the sun shine on me, and listened to the birds sing.

Then a funny thing happened. My roommate and her boyfriend went out side to have a cigarette. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in the kitchen, searching out the last piece of pepperoni pizza. I found it, snapped a picture with my camera, and went to town.
I had been sitting there thinking about the pizza, wondering if I would have a piece or not. I maybe considered my options, but I didn't look forward at what it would do for me in twenty minutes, or in 24 hours. Instant gut reaction to feeling alone.<---Need to fix that.

On the plus side, I walked over 2 miles today. It was nearly impossible to keep in at my desk. I just took any excuse to leave. Even to drop something off at the post office, across the street. It was a beautiful day in Anchorage.

And something wonderful happened in my new blogger world!

So the rules of this award, give it to 7 people, and tell you 7 things about me you didn't know. I'll start with 7 things you don't know about me. I feel like that might be a bit easier for me.

1) I grew up in the Portland Metro Area, in Oregon.

2) I've been overweight since I was about 6 years old.

3) My father, who was never an active participant in my life, died when I was 22.

4) 22 is my favorite number.

5) The most weight I've ever lost was 30 pounds. I was behaving like an anorexic back then, and it worked. My mom went off to work one day, and left me an apple and a can of soup. I freaked out about the can of soup and hid it in my dresser so she wouldn't know that I didn't eat it. I recognized at that moment, that kind of behavior was completely unacceptable, and stopped obsessing over food in that way. I haven't lost weight since.

6) I'm very politically and community oriented. Added to that, I'm not declared as "anything" but I am pretty damn liberal.

7) Talking about fat, being fat, feeling fat, acknowledging fat, scares the crap out of me. This blog is the bravest thing I've done in a really long time.

Now. Seven people to distribute this to. I hope there isn't much overlap, and I understand that sometimes posts about awards are kind of annoying. I'm new to this blogging community, but not to online journals in general.

So this award was given to me by Sam over at Believe In Yourself. It was really kind of her to think of me, especially since I've literally only been writing for a week. It seems a bit longer than that, but it hasn't it. I'm surprised I haven't gotten bored posting everything I feel about what I eat! Anyway, I'm very honored, and touched. I picked seven blogs, that I've been reading over the last week that have really been inspirational to me. I hope its okay to just list the seven blogs...

1) Half of Jess-

2) Memoirs of a Fat Kid-

3) No More Plus Size-

4) Prior Fat Girl-

5) Vegan Ana-

6) Big Bottom Blogger-

7) Bigger Than My Body-

You ladies are perfectly wonderful, I wish you all continued success in reaching your goals, and being happy. Thanks for the inspiration!


Results Not Typical Girl said... [Reply to comment]

Great post! That spaghetti looks killer. I decided to take the day off of blog writing so I could get some blog reading done. Boy am I glad because it let me find yours! WOOT!! Stop by for tea sometime at my blog. :) - Kirsten

Tishia said... [Reply to comment]

I want spaghetti now! LOL

Thanks so much for giving me the beautiful blogger award - that put a big ole grin on my face today :-)

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