Saturday, May 22, 2010

I has a sick

My dinner last night went a little awry. I stopped by the store, on my way home, each step further agitating my already upset stomach. I hightailed it to the restroom and almost cried with relief. I chalked it up to all the extra fiber I must be getting now that I'm paying attention, because I had felt this way yesterday as well.

Then I got home, and continued using the restroom. I'm sorry to basically be talking about poop, but it hurt so bad. I couldn't figure out why. I felt drained afterward, so I was glad I made this gorgeous salad with spinach, tomatoes, one hard boiled egg, broccoli, peas, chick peas and kidney beans, just one tablespoon of bacon bits, and a shake of sunflower seeds. I used to eat salads like this all the time when I was a vegetarian. I couldn't really measure the dressing, and it is only now occurring to me, that I could have waited to put that on til I got home, so I could dip each bite, or measure out the fat free junk I haven't opened yet.

And then  I started feeling sick again.

I was in a panic about my upset stomach. I'm a complete baby when I get sick. Every time I've ever had more than 2 roommates, I was just constantly sick.

I waited a little bit, but I started feeling confused about things, and I was super tired, so I decided I would eat a bowl of lucky charms with chocolate soy milk and see if that made me feel better. I knew I should just have crawled in bed and called it a day, but I couldn't believe that I was ready to pass out by 7pm.

Of course, the cereal did not make me feel better. This is where I kept getting confused, because I kept waiting for the food to make my stomach stop spinning. I also knew somewhere inside me that continuing to eat food was not going to make me feel better.

Knowing this, I continued to eat. I knew I was heading down a very dangerous road. I was hanging out in the kitchen. I was checking all the cupboards. It was the weekend, AND! I felt like shit.

Prima Donna was Begging for a binge. I sat down at our counter, and I very impatiently shoved every bite of that Lean Cuisine into my mouth. I was so angry with myself. I was bored, I didn't want it, but I COULDN'T seem to make myself stop. As soon as the last bite had been eaten, I finished cleaning the kitchen, and finally dragged my self up to my bed. It was 8:15pm.

I was asleep 30 minutes later.

I woke up this morning, with a sore throat and a head ache. I has a sick.

I had two eggs with a two tablespoons of grated cheddar cheese, and an English muffin with some butter spread on.  I was going to have a cup of green tea as well, to sooth my throat, but apparently the manufacturer lied about it being microwave safe. I can understand the cracks that go around it. I did not think it would catch on fire though. (if you look closely, you can see the scorch marks). Of course, I couldn't see the handle while trying to pull the cup out of the microwave, and burned my finger. I've been laying in bed ever since, but I think I'm going to walk up the hill, and go to a movie, and maybe grab lunch while I'm there.

I know one of my rules is to not watch moving pictures whilst eating. I am making the conscious decision to do so anyway, because my journey is about being aware of my food choices, and comfortable with them. The punishment for making the wrong choice, is remaining fat and unhealthy. In this case, I want some kind of comfort food, and walking to and from the movie theater, one which includes a very steep incline, will give me about a mile and a half's worth of exercise.

Its about being aware, and mindful. I think if I have time, I'll stop by the bookstore and finally pick up Eating Mindfully. I'm quite excited to start reading that.


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