Thursday, May 27, 2010

Excited to Participate in the Blog Tour!




1. and 2. Before/After Pictures.  
See Below. I'll randomly disperse two "before" pictures. The first one is from this week, the second one is from last summer.

3.       State the amount of weight you’ve lost. 

 As of Wednesday, I have lost 10 pounds. This is ridiculously exciting to me, because I don't remember the last time I actually lost weight. Its exciting to see that number go down. I think its probably about average for a first week loss. We'll see how the following weeks go. Its nothing to get through one week of paying attention to the food I put in my body. Lets see how week two goes.

4.       If you are on a specific eating/exercise plan, what is it?

I am not following any real specific eating/exercise plan.  What I'm doing is tracking everything I eat, making sure everything I eat has a purpose, examining why I eat the things I eat, and seeing if I can make healthier changes. This blog has done a real service to me thus far, because I don't want people to see my binging. I don't want to show just how bad it gets sometimes. I had turned mindless eating into an art. And I've thought long and hard about everything, but I could never seem to get the dots to connect until just recently. So I'm giving it a real shot now, and if I have a day or two or five where all I do is eat the junkiest of the junkiest kind of food, or the food with the highest fat content, I need to be held accountable for it.  I know there are people out there know exactly what my thought process is, and that they're trying to do what I'm doing.  

5.       What is your favorite healthy snack? (share a pic if you have one)

I get the munchies. A lot. I used to munch on cookies, chips, breaded things... now I munch on things like grapes, strawberries or carrots. Unsalted peanuts, still in the shell. Carrots are good because they  provide a satisfying crunch and take a while to chew. Grapes are good any season. I particularly like them frozen- they explode like little bombs of delicious in your mouth! 

6.       What is the biggest life lesson you’ve learned on your journey? 

We'll say that my journey began when I was 8 and some kid told me that eating Taco Bell every night for dinner was making me fat. I didn't have a comeback. The biggest life lesson I've learned is, My mind as it currently exists, is poison. It is a delectable poison, it is a mirage of beauty, but in the long run it exists to destroy everything that is good about me. My mind is my mind. I've trained it to be this way. Knowing this, I know I have the ability to train my mind into something that is not poison, that will not destroy me. I've already started, and I can tell I'm a better person for it. 

7.       What is the biggest strength you’ve discovered about yourself? 

I am capable.  Of living, of breathing, of making decisions based on facts, and knowing the difference between an emotional response, and a mindful response.

8.       What has been your toughest struggle?

Up until now, it has always been about control. Too much control, not enough control... no control at all. Trying to give up control, giving it over to something/someone else... I DON'T LIKE FEELING CONTROLLED! 

9.       Who has been your biggest supporter and why?

I would love to say anyone but myself. I don't let people help me. I especially don't don't let people help me when it comes to my weight loss, or even talking about it. I think its a shame thing. But if not myself, then my cousin. She's been there through all of my disordered eating, and has been encouraging in every way she's able. 

10.   When you get to goal, what will you do next?

It might seem funny, and possibly the antithesis of losing weight, but I currently don't have a "goal". I do, I suppose, but its not concrete. I want to be able to shop in regular clothing stores. I want to be able to buckle my seat belt on airplanes. I want to be able to run 5k and 10k marathons. I don't want to develop diabetes. I don't want to lose my limbs. I don't want my heart to give out because it just can't work as hard as it has been. I want to feel desirable. I want to look on the outside how I've always felt on the inside. Those are my goals. Whatever weight I'm at, when I can finally scratch all those things off as accomplished, is perfect. Until then, I'll just watch the numbers go down, and my capability and self esteem go up.

11.   What do you wish someone had told you when you first began? 

I understand that this question is asking, "...first began the weight loss journey?" But I'm going to answer a different ending. "What do you wish someone had told you when you first began your disordered eating?" 

Eating food isn't going to fix your problems and neither is not eating it. We need food to live. That's always been the case. You're going to hate yourself later for all the choices you've made now. And when you finally get around to "fixing" it, its going to be harder than you ever imagined. Whenever you're ready to get to "fixing" it, I'll be there to help you along the way, the best I know how. And even if you hate yourself, just know, I love you and think you are amazing. Because you are.

12.   Share any other words of wisdom you want to share.

Eating food isn't going to fix your problems and neither is not eating it. We need food to live. That's always been the case. You're going to hate yourself later for all the choices you've made now. And when you finally get around to "fixing" it, its going to be harder than you ever imagined. Whenever you're ready to get to "fixing" it, I'll be there to help you along the way, the best I know how. And even if you hate yourself, just know, I love you and think you are amazing. Because you are.
13.    Please Visit Laura at: http://journeytoafitmama.blogspot.com/
.

8 comments:

Ana said... [Reply to comment]

I love your answers! There is so much truth in what you are saying. I love frozen grapes too! Did you know that if you put them in a food processor or blender you end up with a delicious icy sorbet...totally refreshing and totally guiltless!

Sam said... [Reply to comment]

Wow, I agree with Ana, I love your answers. Very real, and very raw. I think raw is good because it means your digging deep and finding out what it is you need for you to make life changes! So glad you did this with us!!

Lily Fluffbottom said... [Reply to comment]

@ Ana: Oooh, I haven't tried blending frozen grapes. That sounds awesome!

@ Sam: I used to say a lot that I'm all about making memories. That when everything is is corrupted and ugly, you always have these things, these epic moments of your life to remember and share. If I'm going to share my memories of being fat and feeling worthless, then they'd better be matched with overcoming both of those things, because those are the kind of memories that count.

Thank you both for your kind words!

Georgia said... [Reply to comment]

So glad you did the tour! When I get uncontrollable munchies I eat a dill pickle. Something about the taste takes me right out of munchie-ville!

Traci said... [Reply to comment]

Aww you can do it! Great job on your first week! Here's to many more successes.

Holly said... [Reply to comment]

I really enjoyed reading your post. I am going to follow you because we all need support on our journeys. Keep up the great work!

karen said... [Reply to comment]

I love your "goals" SO much!!! I try really hard to convince my brain that my goal shouldn't necessarily rest on that stupid number on the stupid scale but .... maybe once I hit the "under 170" it'll change :)

Happy Fun Pants said... [Reply to comment]

Wow. You have a GREAT gift for words. Seriously...and just so you know, almost all of us can identify with your struggle and your pattern of bingeing. It's not easy, but I agree - blogging helps more than I ever thought it would.

I really liked your post - so genuine and heartfelt.

Thank you for sharing! :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...