Friday, July 2, 2010


I have abandonment issues. I would almost always prefer to be alone (which is slowly changing and I don't know how to adapt to that), but when I am not asked to be included in things such as outings, or dinner parties, I become horrible depressed. Why should I want to hang out with people, that don't want to hang out with me, I wonder. Why should I put out any effort to know these people, if they won't meet me part way?

My friends/co-workers went to lunch about two hours ago. I wasn't particularly hungry, and I was helping a couple of very needy clients. Even if they asked, I wouldn't have been able to join them. And yet, I feel completely disheartened that they didn't even try to ask. Not only did they not try to ask, but they left me all alone in my office for a good 20 minutes until my supervisor came back. Its not that I couldn't handle the clients, I just wanted to feel like some thought was put into asking me. I don't feel that way.

So now I'm being all angsty and emo, because I was in fact invited to dinner (as an afterthought) but I don't want to be around these people now because they chose not to be around me first. I realize part of me is being ridiculous, but I just can't shake the feeling that 1) they would rather me not be there and 2) they wouldn't notice if I was.

What this really boils down to is this. I want a halibut sandwich for lunch. Its deep fried, delicious, and not exactly the cheapest/healthiest food to order. If I go out to dinner, I will have eaten out for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Will not be able to get a walkjog in. Will most likely not enjoy myself if I did go. I don't know what to do.

Do any of you ever feel this way? How do you get over these weird unnecessary feelings?

ETA: I'm getting that halibut sandwich. It was on my menu before dinner was. If I still want to go to dinner, then I will. I probably won't, but at least I was invited (even if it was as an afterthought).


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